Confessions of a Bondi Blonde

It’s the school holidays and I’m excited!

Googling randomly the other day, dreaming of exotic locations, I stumbled across the wonderfully named city of Cumming, Georgia.

Well correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Cumming the best destination ever?

The City of Cumming was chartered in 1845 and is the next Amtrak stop after Chattanooga. With an average age of almost-pensioner, Cumming’s motto is Gateway to Leisure Living. I’ll tell you what, if I spend a 10 day holiday Cumming I’ll be so knackered on my Qantas cattle class flight back to Sydney, I’ll sleep and live leisurely the whole 20 hours home.

But, as I’ll be flying solo, who should I share my Cumming experiences with?

The local Councillors would probably the best people to approach to solve my conundrum.

On Cumming’s official website they look like they all signed the original 1845 Charter. If I get off with these guys, there a good chance of a heart attack or two. I don’t want to upset my official Cumming welcome with a murder charge. The most robust looks to be Councilman Rupert Sexton, a fifth generation native of Cumming. He’s proudly been a member of the Cumming City Council for 73% of his adult life, overseeing major projects like the installation of a state of the art sewer and the establishment of the Cumming Country Fair and Festival. A true Cumming hero.

The Mayor, Henry Ford Gravitt, has been Cumming’s ruler since 1970 and seems a decent guy, maybe with a tad of a Mugabe-like addiction to unopposed power, but there you go.

And boy, are they patriotic in Cumming. In 1991 the city built a Veteran’s Memorial Boulevard, to honour the men who had bombed Saudi Arabia and fought in Desert Storm, adding a 75 flag Avenue of Flags in 1995 – all the same flag, I’d hazard a guess.

In 2000, the citizens of Cumming applied to the United States Army Donation Program for fifteen surplus M-1 rifles to use in patriotic ceremonies. Refused but undaunted, they mailed over one hundred letters to Senators and Representatives in Washington D.C. Bada Bing, next thing you know, Cumming’s Vietnam and Gulf War Vets now have 15 working semi-automatic rifles for use in patriotic ceremonies and  parades or where-ever else the mood takes them. Let’s hope they’re not suffering too much from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

So, if I do go to Cumming this school holidays, better keep any jokes about the pretty City’s name to myself. The Bondi blonde doesn’t want to be on the receiving end of a patriotic bullet.

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